


Squeak

by Rospberry



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Random & Short, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 11:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rospberry/pseuds/Rospberry
Summary: Bodie and Doyle decide to play a prank. It was never going to end well.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Taking huge liberties with the size and scope of Cowley's bathroom. Thanks to Sue for tidying up the commas!

Sniggering like schoolboys, Bodie and Doyle skidded to a halt outside the door of Cowley’s office, and Bodie rested his hand on the door as he hefted the weight of a bag in the other.

“Give me a shout if he comes back,” he said to Doyle, who grinned and nodded.

“Good luck.”

Bodie quirked an eyebrow and smirked. “Don’t need it.” 

Doyle rolled his eyes and moved to lean nonchalantly on the wall as Bodie slipped inside the room.

Once inside, Bodie started emptying the bag on the floor. He hauled out a foot pump and an inflatable blonde sex doll and with suspicious professionalism he immediately set to work attaching the appropriate nozzles and filling the plastic female with air. 

The plan, such that it was, was simple. Plant the doll in Cowley’s chair and leg it, then hover around to watch the fireworks. 

Smiling to himself, Bodie sealed the air hole on the doll and shoved the pump in the bag, zipping it closed.

He was just about to pick up the doll when, from the corridor, he heard a sharp whistle.

Panicking, he looked around the room for someplace to hide. With a five foot doll to hide, his options were limited. 

The bathroom.

He grabbed the doll and the bag and was about to race over to the door when he saw a fountain pen lying on Cowley’s desk.

Maybe if he could get rid of the doll he might be able to explain his presence in the room.

He grabbed the pen and stabbed at the plastic, but the doll had been created to withstand a lot more pressure than he had time to exert and with a curse he carried everything over to the bathroom door, fumbling for the handle.

Just as he closed the bathroom door behind him, he heard the office door open.

“Aye, Doyle, I got your expense form,” Cowley snapped as he walked into his office. “But you cannae expect me to remember what was on it.”

Doyle’s response was muffled as he followed Cowley in from the corridor and Bodie could only make out the last few words. “…need to go through it with you.”

Cowley was having none of it. “D’you no have enough work to do? I’ve got a meeting, so shut the door behind you on the way out.”

Bodie heard the door slam seconds later and Cowley chuckling to himself.

Bodie turned his attention to the bathroom to look for an escape route but could see nothing except for the usual: toilet, sink, bath. A shower curtain ran around the bath and Bodie hastily decided it was a better hiding place in case someone came in; it didn't occur to him he'd have a hell of a time explaining why not only was he in Cowley's bathroom, he was in the bath, in his clothes, with a doll. 

He climbed in the bath and tugged the doll with him. The bag went beside his feet and he jammed the doll in front, her face only inches from his own, as he tugged the curtain around. Realising he still had the pen in his hand he tried again to puncture the plastic, wincing as the fountain nib squeaked a little when it impacted on the surface.

He tensed, listening.

The sounds from the other room were more muffled but he still heard a sharp rap on the outer door and Bodie could hear Cowley’s barked, “Come.”

The door opened and he heard footsteps and Cowley spoke again.

“Right on time, Macklin. Have a seat.”

A chair scraping back.

_Macklin? Bleedin' hell, this was getting worse._ Bodie's fingers fumbled to pull out the stopper sealing the air hole, but his nails were too short and he couldn't get any purchase. Maybe Cowley had something lying around? He poked his head out from behind the curtain, glancing around the room, but aside from some soap on the sink and the obligatory loo brush, there was nothing lying loose in the room. He cursed Cowley's compulsive tidiness. He was trapped in Cowley's shower, with a doll. Not part of the plan at all.

The pen was still in his hand, nib shining, and he started to panic. What if he aimed for the seal running down her back? _Now, that was an idea._ He wrapped one arm around the doll, pulling her close, and stabbed at her back frantically with the pen, now oblivious to the perpetual squeak-squeak of pen on plastic only intent on getting the _bloody doll_ deflated. 

In the office, Cowley looked sharply at Macklin. “What was that noise?”

Macklin shook his head. “I don’t know, but it sounded like it was coming from through there,” he said, pointing at the closed bathroom door.

The sound was rhythmic but increasingly frantic, and both men stood. Macklin pulled his gun from its holster. "Just in case," he said, when Cowley raised a questioning eyebrow. 

They advanced to the door, and on Cowley's nod, Macklin burst in, gun aimed and ready, yanking the curtain to the side when it was clear that was the source of the noise. He stopped in his tracks, Cowley at his side, both stunned into silence.

Bodie, flush-faced and sweating, paused mid thrust and stared at the two men, horrifically aware of what he looked like: doll clutched to his chest, his stabbing arm hidden from view.

"Bodie?" Cowley said slowly. "D'ye have an explanation?"

“Erm…well…” Bodie looked frantically between the doll, Macklin, and Cowley, and back again. _Why the hell had they thought this would be a good idea?_ “Y’see, sir, it’s like this…”


End file.
